


Not Quite Right

by ProblemWithTrouble



Series: Pacific Rim [26]
Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Confessions, M/M, Post-Operation Pitfall (Pacific Rim), Uprising Averted, because fuck uprising
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 12:13:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20930042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProblemWithTrouble/pseuds/ProblemWithTrouble
Summary: “I don’t know why you have a half built PONs in your bedroom, but I do know why I’m here,” Hermann said, deciding that Newton wasn’t going to run off. He sat down next to him on the floor, his back leaning up against the couch. “I think you’re in trouble, Newton.”“From what?”“I don’t know. But if I’m honest I’m frightened,” Hermann admitted.Hermann gets a headache and goes to find his drift partner on the other side of the world because it must be his fault. When he gets there he discovers that things are worse than he had imagined.





	Not Quite Right

Hermann was no stranger to sickness. He’d been told at 26 that his body would turn against him one day, but a four day long migraine would have gotten anyone’s attention. On the morning of day three Hermann had gone to the PPDC medical wing and demanded a CT scan. The results showed that the portion of his mind that was affected by the Drift had been damaged even more than his last scan the night the Breach closed. As soon as the words left the doctor’s mouth Hermann felt panic rush through him. Newton.

Newton had left the PPDC almost as soon as the announcement came down that they were staying open. He wasn’t going to be a part of a military without a legitimate target because in his words “Dude, I’m American. I know how this works, they’ll find something and I don’t want to be here when a jaeger hand delivers a nuke to some country that the brass has decided needs to go.” Hermann had tried to be understanding about it but Newt hadn't returned a call, email or text for two months and Hermann was ready to give up on him. It seemed that that was no longer an option. 

Hermann want back to his room and grabbed the go-bag that he still kept packed while he called Jacob Geiszler. “Hermann?” 

“Mr. Geiszler. I’m sorry to bother you so late.”

“You know me. Can’t sleep anyway. Is everything okay?” Jacob asked but he still sounded half asleep.

“I was wondering if you knew where Newton is.” 

“As far as I know he’s still in Boston,” Jacob said. “Has something happened?”

“Oh no. I haven’t heard from him in a while and I think he may be the cause of my headache. I wanted to ensure that he was still alright.”

“Yeah. Talked to him a few days ago. MIT gave him a bit of a blank check so he’s been running experiments like it’s going out of style.”

“Ah, then the drift must be carrying over his exhaustion. Thank you, Mr. Geiszler. Again, I’m sorry to have called so late.”

“Don’t worry about it. Always good to hear from my son’s other half.”

Mr. Geiszler had been making remarks like that one for years so Hermann just brushed it off. “Goodnight.”

“Night.”

Hermann sent off an email to Mako first letting her know that he’d be out of town for a while and then booked himself a flight to Boston before leaving the shatterdome to go deal with whatever fresh nonsense Newton had cooked up. 

Eighteen hours later Hermann arrived in Boston exhausted but his headache had started to ease. He wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or not. It was six at night but if he knew Newton at all he’d still be working so he took a cab to MIT using the course catalogue to guess at what building and room he was in. 

The site hadn’t led him to Newt but the teacher of a late night biochem class pointed him in the direction of Newton’s private lab. 

As Hermann got closer the general pain from the drift faded but it was replaced by what sounded like the dull roar of static. When he opened the door, he understood why. 

Newt was standing at a computer looking like he hadn’t slept in days but the concerning thing was the large tank next to him and yet another scrap-made PONS

“Hermann, what are you doing here?” Newton asked, covering his exhaustion with a bad facsimile of his own manic energy. 

“Oh, Newton, what have you done?” Hermann asked, feeling like the world had just been pulled out from under him. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Do you think I’m so blind I wouldn’t recognize a kaiju brain and PONS when I see it?”

Newton turned around and looked at the tank as if noticing it for the first time. “Oh that. It’s no big. What are you doing here? We thought you were in Hong Kong.”

“Who?”

“What?”

“You said we.”

“No I didn’t.”

Hermann rolled his eyes. “You need to sleep.”

“I’m fine,” Newton said. 

“No you’re not.”

“Yes, I a-”

“Newton, I can _feel_ it!” Hermann shouted, stomping his cane on the ground. For a second something feral crossed Newton’s expression and Hermann wondered if their fight would be taking a physical turn but then Newton deflated and shrugged. 

“Fine, don’t have a fit.” He started to close down his work station. “Where are you staying?”

“I hadn’t gotten that far yet,” Hermann admitted. “I was focusing on getting here and dealing with you.”

“You could feel it all the way in Hong Kong?”

“Yes, it’s been days of this, and you wouldn’t answer your phone.” 

“Oh, yeah. I lost it.”

“You lost your phone?”

“Yeah, it’s somewhere, I don’t know where though,” Newton shrugged again and was tapping his right foot like he was filled with anxious energy. 

The problem was that Hermann knew what a manic episode in the world of Newton Geiszler looked like. He’d seen them, fought them, and tried his very best to care for Newton through them, but what was happening was not a manic episode. 

The lack of clean clothes was right, as was the half eaten food strewn across the desks but there was just too much that didn’t match the last few years of Hermann’s observations. 

When Newton was manic he did tap his foot but it was always his left because his right foot was the one he used to keep time when he played guitar and his left was for his anxious movement. He would never have so many coffee cups around because he didn't need caffeine to keep going when he was having an episode, the energy was just there and Hermann would try to get him to have green tea to stave off the caffeine headache without making things worse. But he would never have lost his phone and just gotten over it. When Newton was mainc he got sloppy but he was paranoid too and nothing as precious as his phone would never be out of reach, let alone out of sight. That and there was no music playing and when Newton was manic his playlist consisted solely of one hundred and seventy beats per minute EDM songs. 

Something was very wrong. 

Hermann didn’t dare say anything though because maybe things were just different now and he was reading too deeply into things. Confronting Newt when he was having an episode was never a good idea. 

“You can stay with me tonight. I’ve got a spare room with a bed in it,” Newton said as he led them down the hall and out of the building. 

“Thank you.” They continued in silence for a while. When they got into the car Hermann spoke again. “I was thinking about visiting your father while I was in town. We could go together? It’d be odd if I were to go by myself, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, dude. It’s a little weird you want to see him at all but I’ve gotta work tomorrow so your S.O.L.”

“Tomorrow’s Saturday,” 

“Right, duh.” Newt smiled but it seemed strained and confused.

Hermann watched him for a long time but he didn’t say anything more. It definitely wasn’t like any episode that Hermann had ever seen. He couldn’t think of any reason that Newt would feel the need to fake an episode, especially to Hermann who had seen him at his best and worst. Being lab partners at the end of the world was a little like marriage. Sickness and health, thick and thin. 

Hermann didn’t realize how bad it was until he woke up to a loud crash around three that morning. He sprung out of the guest bed, grabbing his cane on his way out the door to find Newton. Luckily he wasn’t far, only sitting on the floor next to an end table, with his head in his hands, crying. 

“I don’t get it. I don’t get it. I don’t get it,” he whispered to himself.

“You don’t get what?” Hermann asked from a few feet away. His instinct was to go to Newton’s side but it was a long way down to sit on the floor next to him and he wanted to be sure Newton wasn’t going to spring up and run off as soon as he sat. 

Newt looked up, tears running down his face. “Why you’re here. Why I’m here. What my experiments are. What am I doing, Herm? Why do I have a half built PONs in my bedroom?”

“I don’t know why you have a half built PONs in your bedroom, but I do know why I’m here,” Hermann said, deciding that Newton must have been worn down by something and wasn’t going to run off. He sat down next to him, his back leaning up against the couch. “I think you’re in trouble, Newton.”

“From what?”

“I don’t know. But if I’m honest I’m frightened,” Hermann admitted. 

“For me? Or of me?”

Hermann couldn’t help but laugh. “Newton, I know you. I couldn’t be frightened of you if you had your hands wrapped around my throat.” 

Newt just frowned. “Hermann, I’m losing time. I’ve never done that before, even when it got real bad. And I get so angry sometimes. Just filled to the brim, bursting at the seems, suddenly able to feel my teeth angry. I want to kill, Herm. I’ve been a vegetarian for twenty years and I almost pushed someone off a train the other day for listening to a podcast on speaker. My hands were out.” Newt burst into further tears and leaned up against Hermann. 

Hermann held him close to his chest with his chin resting on Newton’s head, trying to fight off his own tears. When the sobbing quieted enough he spoke again. “You’ve been drifting with the kaiju brain in your lab haven’t you?”

Newt nodded against his chest. 

“I think we should go see your father tomorrow. And then I think you should come back to Hong Kong,” Hermann whispered, half hoping that Newton wouldn’t hear him. He wasn’t sure if it was the right course of action, he wasn’t even sure it was a valid one. 

Newt pulled away from him and wrapped his arms around his knees. “I don’t want to go back to the PPDC.”

“I understand. I’m sure there’s someone who wants the foremost expert on kaiju biology there. There are currently four decaying kaiju carcausses within the borders,” Hermann said, taking Newton’s hand gently. “I think it would be good to have you and I near one another. We’ve always kept each other steady and the therapist you’ve had for years is still there. You liked her a lot. I’m not asking for you to stay forever but, Newton, someone needs to make sure you don’t try drifting with these things again. We don’t understand enough about them to make it safe.”

“Taking care of me is no mean feat even when we _know_ what’s wrong. It wouldn’t even be worth it.”

Hermann’s grip on Newt’s hand got crushing for a split second and his voice came out a little harder than he had intended when he spoke. “I love you, Newton Geiszler, and I think that’s worth fighting for, so for once actually consider my advice.”

Newt was quiet for a long time, twisting a little to look at Hermann clearer. “You what?”

Suddenly the words that Hermann had said crashed over him. “I...I love you. You’re bound to have already known that, I don’t understand why you’re acting so surprised now.” Hermann couldn’t look at him. The fact that Newton didn’t know that he loved him was one of Hermann’s more proud achievements, especially after the drift. He most definitely didn’t know and outright lying to Newton had always been difficult for him. 

“Like, love love love? Like holding hands in the park love? Like dance at weddings together love? Love love?” Newt’s voice was getting higher with every question until Hermann almost couldn't hear him.

“Yes. All of those things.”

“I think the drifts have let the precursors start using the same tech they used to control the kaiju, especially when I lose time. I think they’ve been trying to use me to further their game.”

Hermann tried not to be suprised by the turn in the conversation. Newton didn’t enjoy talking about his emotions and Hermann had just confessed to loving him while they sat on his floor at three in the morning. It was a lot to take in and Newton wasn’t going to shoot him down cruelly so he needed time to think of a way to let Hermann down gently. “Then we need to ensure that you won’t be able to continue drifting with them.”

“Do you think it’ll have withdrawal symptoms?” 

“I have no basis of knowledge to form a hypothesis.” 

Newt shrugged. “I guess not. I still think it would though.”

“You’re the one who has been living this way so you would have the most insight.”

Newt smiled at him. “That was almost a compliment.”

“Don’t get used to it.” 

“Why do you keep saying we should go see my dad?”

“Because you love your father and you are the most like yourself when you’re at home,” Hermann explained. He had spent a week in the Geiszler house after the breach had closed and the three Geiszler men seemed to feed off each other.

Newt nodded again and yawned. “Can we go now? I don’t want to try to sleep again.”

“Are you fit to drive right now?”

“Yeah. And we can stop for some breakfast and coffee. Who doesn’t love three am Denny’s?”

“I believe any person who has been sober in a Denny’s at three in the morning.” 

Newt laughed and pushed himself up off the floor and then helped Hermann up too. “You can sleep in the car on our way there if you want.”

“Allow me to get dressed and you should do the same.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Newt started back towards his room and then stopped. “Oh and Hermann?”

“Yes?”

“I love you too. Hand holding while feeding ducks peas in the park love. But...I want to be me if we start...you know.”

Hermann nodded once. “I’ve waited for years, Newton, I can wait a while longer. You’re worth fighting for, remember?” 

Newt was smiling but he was starting to cry again. “Get dressed, get Denny’s, see Dad, move to Hong Kong, get Precursor free, take Hermann on a date.”

“Sounds perfect.”

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt "You write Newmann! I love Newmann! Would you write this? "I love you, Newton Geiszler, and that’s worth fighting for." I've been imagining Hermann saying that all day..."


End file.
